I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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