Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
