I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
