the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
