So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
