So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
