You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
