i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
