Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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