We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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