I didn't shave. On purpose
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
