if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
a search helicopter?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
