I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
