Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
