there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
