Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
