im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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