Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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