is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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