I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
