I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
