dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
