your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
