Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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