I should be sponsored by Trojan
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
