my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
