all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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