I just pynch a tree in the face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
