you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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