Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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