i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
