i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
