I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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