Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
