I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
