I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
