Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
