Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
