You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
