dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
