Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
