I looked at my own cervix.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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