so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
