I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
