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Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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