Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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