things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
