i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
