All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
