what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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