all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
