Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The struggles of a small town man whore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
